Thin, Sick & Nearly Dead
Conversations with friends often lead to the topic of health. Here is how it always goes.
Me: “I lived with a ton of chronic illnesses daily when I was younger.”
Friend: “That’s impossible! You looked so healthy and you’re so damned fit.”
I was physically fit, but I felt like death.
Weight… But why?
Weight is on everyone’s mind when it comes to health. Reality TV presents us with The Biggest Loser. Ever heard of The Biggest Gainer? Nope. Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead (Tsk! Plagiarism), The Gabriel Method, Supersize Me are well-known documentaries on weight loss.
To be fair, obesity comes with obvious health implications as opposed to skinny-ness (the antonym to obesity doesn’t exist!). The obese person looks visibly unhealthy and naturally receives more attention than the non-obese sick bloke.
I had a weight issue — I was unnaturally thin.
Being thin doesn’t exonerate you from debilitating illnesses. I, like many other scrawny folks, have endured countless debilitating illnesses. I argue that chronically diseased thin folks get less attention and are in great danger. Oftentimes, even the sufferers themselves fail to realise that they’re gravely ill. I know because I was one of them.
The Horrifying Everyday Symptoms
Friends and family alike described me as fit and healthy and slim. Nothing could be further from the truth. Inside, I was rotting. Come and learn what plagued me for well over a decade.
Note: I will update this list as I recall more of my symptoms.
Symptoms on my head
- Frequent eye discharge / Dry eyes / Puffy eyes
When I woke up, my eyes gummed up with discharge. For an hour after that, I kept having to wipe it off. My eyes were puffed up (like edema) and always dry which led to excessive blinking. That slowly progressed to a facial tic. - Extra sensitivity to bright light / Double vision
A bright light source (eg. the sun) instantly developed a pressure in my head which made me feel tired. When that happened, I felt that I could fall asleep at that very moment. Double vision was caused by the chronic fatigue, causing my eyes to defocus as I zoned out from the tirednes. - Ear wax build-up / Chronic ear itch
Ear wax build-up (Cerumen impaction) led me to dig my ears fortnightly. Out tumbled thick blobs of wax. Also, they itched mildly in the daytime. - Ringing in the ears / Blocked ears / Hearing difficulty
Ringing in the ears (Tinnitus) was annoying especially in quiet environments such as the office. Blocked ears (ie. the kind during a plane take-off) caused significant hearing problems that I often wound up misunderstanding what a person said. - Sudden deafness
On occasion, one ear went deaf with tinnitus although it often recovered in a minute. - Easily-bruised gums / Dental plaque buildup / Bad breath
By noon, an annoying thin coat of plaque formed on my teeth. My gums bruised easily (Gingivitis) and it often bled from flossing my teeth. Bad breath (Halitosis) was present but mild. - Chapped lips / Dry mouth and throat / Hypersalivation
My mouth, lips and throat felt dry, which is difficult to imagine in humid Singapore. Lips bled and cracked, and were chapped to the point that I was peeling off new skin daily. Here’s the funny thing — saliva production was over the top! The excess saliva led to frequent swallowing which was especially troublesome during conversations. - Lip biting
I often had painful ulcers on my lips due to accidental biting. If I was unlucky, I would bite the same spot over and over again. - Dry hair
The black stuff on my head wasn’t hair but more like the hay that cows eat! It was so stiff that I could style it without hair gel. Big savings! - Facial tics and Guttural sounds (aka. Tourette’s Syndrome)
This gave me the most grief. My eyes twitched so badly that it bothered me day and night. Eventually I came to terms with it but the twitching still wore me out. I too had one at the corner of my mouth and also made a guttural sound due to the persistent throat clearing. - Stammering and cluttering
The № 2 most irritating symptoms. Cluttering was a showstopper to effective conversations. By the time I started talking, the thoughts in my head would scatter as if they saw a ghost. Brain fog made me stammer because I was speaking faster than I could think. - Persistent pressure in head
It felt as if the skull was struggling to contain the gray matter. My eyes felt like popping out at times. Some would describe this as the heaviness in the head. - Dizzy spells
On days when my symptoms were severe, I would get dizzy spells out of the blue.
Symptoms on my torso
- Pain and stiffness in Neck/Shoulder/Upper+Lower back
I felt like an 80-year-old at the age of 28. My back was always so stiff and painful. Deep tissue massage alleviated it for a couple of weeks before it returned in full force. Tilting my head back was an excruciating experience. - Cracking of back, neck, and limbs
At some point in my life, I thought that cracking my bones was a manly thing to do. I could crack my back, neck, and limbs, which brought temporary relief to my aches. Now I know that it was a mere reflection of the stiffness in my body. - Chronic weight loss
Now this is the reason why I was forever scrawny. I simply couldn’t gain weight! My body wasn’t wasting but neither could I gain muscle mass. I used to pump weights weekly but I always hit a ceiling. Whatever strength and mass I gained today would be lost in a week. Boosting my protein intake with protein shakes and meat was a futile attempt. - Excessive sweating
My body sweated excessively just like my palms.
Symptoms on my limbs
- Chronic wrist pain
Flexing my wrists would sometimes produce an acute pain. It wasn’t carpal tunnel syndrome although I used the computer a lot. Pushups was the workout that would definitely trigger the symptom. - Cold and clammy hands
It’s funny to think about it now, but my wife hated holding my hands when we dated because they were sweaty and icky. My hands also turned cold after staying in an air-conditioned room for half hour. - Frequent injuries
My limbs ached as much as my back which decreased my mobility. As the joints stiffened up, I easily received injuries during sports. - Chronic muscle soreness in legs
No matter how much I rested, my legs remained two sore pieces of meat. Exercising was absolutely dreadful for this reason. - Poor psychomotor functions / Poor balance / Muscle weakness
I had spurts of hand-eye coordination mixup, especially during my army days. A martial art instructor once singled me out for executing a fall completely opposite of what he had instructed. Due to poor balance and muscle weakness combined, I was easily thrown off by a light jerk of the train when riding the MRT (the metro). - Involuntary movements
A strange discomfort occurred under my arms and on my neck, partly due to the crawling sensation (see Skin Disorders), making me want to adjust myself repeatedly. Eventually it turned into an occasional involuntary motion just like the ones in Tourette’s Syndrome.
Respiratory Disorders
- Chronic rhinitis / Sneezing fits
Chronic rhinitis (inflammation in the nose) was my worst enemy, which developed into a post-nasal drip that was worst in the morning and often continued into the night. Sneezing every few minutes was my pastime. When I wasn’t, my nose would be blocked and mouth-breathing became my norm. Also, I was constantly clearing my throat due to a persistent phlegm. - Chronic inflammation of nasal turbinates
The chronic rhinitis manufactured a exceptional symptom that greatly bothered me. My nose was blocked almost all day due to inflammation in my nasal turbinates (globes in the nose). Talking, for some weird reason, worsened the inflammation that completely sealed the nasal passage. Imagine having to talk and gasp for air through the mouth. Consequently, my eyes became even drier and itched tremendously. To date, I have uncovered no information about this symptom. - Photic sneeze reflex
A smart way to say “I sneeze to bright lights”. Just as bright lights triggered fatigue in me, it also triggered a sneezing fit. - Pressure on chest / Breathing difficulty
Breathing felt laboured caused by a pressure on my chest. I didn’t hyperventilate but I had to make a conscious effort to breathe. This was a symptom that drained a big part of my energy every day.
Skin Disorders
- Acne on face, ear lobe, and back
Acne remained my best friend for years. One would pop up as another went away. Facial acne just made me look ugly and that’s fine, but the hard lumps on my ear lobes were awfully painful. Most of the pimples were on my back which I could blissfully ignore. - Chronic Itch / Crawling sensation / Referred itch
Itch was my enemy № 3. I might’ve been a monkey in my previous life for scratching so much. Scratching left white marks on my dry skin (an irony in humid Singapore). The crawling sensation under my skin, scalp and neck, was super irritating. To cushion the irritation, I awkwardly put a hand on the spot. Occasionally, a referred itch bothered me. Scratching an itch on my back wouldn’t provide relief. Instead, I had to scratch a completely different spot, such as my arm, to relieve the dislocated itch.
Digestive Disorders
- Excessive eating and drinking
I ate a lot! At lunch, I could swallow a plate of rice and 4 sides (and sometimes more) and I would be ravenous in 3 hours. It’s amazing that I stayed bone thin! Since my mouth always felt dry, I drank lots of water to quench the thirst. - Indigestion / Abdominal bloat and cramps / Chronic belching / Flatulence
These bothered me 24/7, 365 days a year. It began as an acute abdominal pain in my teenage years but over time, I became numb to the pain. I always joke with my female friends that their menstrual cramps were nothing compared to my daily cramps. - Chronic diarrhoea
Diarrhoea used to be my worst nemesis because I was always looking for the toilet wherever I went. Just like the abdominal cramping, I got used to it. At its worst, I visited the toilet 6 times a day but the norm was 3–4 times daily. - Stitches
It’s interesting to label it as a digestive issue, but it certainly was the case for me. Getting stitches during a jog was a guarantee. It was only a matter of when. - Gluten intolerance / Lactose intolerance / Multiple food allergies
Lactose intolerance in Asians is common so I’m not bothered. Multiple food allergies was the real nightmare. The same food that nourished me today could poison me tomorrow. In 2011, I made an amazing discovery — I was gluten intolerant! By then, eating a bowl of noodles would knock me out for 2 days with a low-grade fever and flu. - Yeast infection
If the digestive symptoms above struck a chord with you, you might have guessed that I had an yeast infection. Yeast infection was the root cause of my many symptoms, but itself was a byproduct of my body’s nutritional deficiency.
Mental Disorders
- Anxiety
Anxiety tormented me every day. Holding a decent conversation was difficult because it heightened my anxiety, accelerating my talking speed to the point of incoherence. Frequent hunger added fuel to the fire. - Brain fog / Poor concentration / Poor memory / Memory lapse / Confusion
My train of thought often got interrupted that made concentrating on a task next to impossible. Thoughts vanished into a black hole as quickly as they came. At its worst, it took 3 seconds for a fresh thought to be forgotten. When thoughts came and went too quickly, I got stuck in a loop of confusion. Memory lapses created spans of time for which I couldn’t recall what I did. - Depression and anger
At the start of my healing journey, I didn’t recognise the depression. The social stigma around depression made it difficult for anyone to admit it. In retrospect, there was no way no to feel depressed being weighed down by multiple diseases. Many kinds of depression exist, and mine was that of pent-up anger and resentment.
Sleep Disorders
- Insomnia / Interrupted sleep / Snoring / Sleep apnea
The quality of my sleep was shot. The first hour or two was of tossing and turning, and when I finally slept, it was never a deep one. Waking up 5 to 6 times a night was the norm. Snoring was a given, so I accommodated by sleeping on my side. When I did sleep on my back, sleep apnea jolted from my sleep to gasp for air. - Teeth grinding / Drooling
I have never heard my teeth grind but the noise was loud enough to wake people up. It must’ve sounded like tectonic plates shifting. My dentist also announced that my teeth were worn out from grinding. Sleeping on my side made me drool due to excessive saliva production. - Sleep paralysis
I’ve had episodes of sleep paralysis since I was 8. I fantasised that supernatural demons were sitting on me, but today I am certain that my chronic illnesses were the cause. It often occurred when I slept on my back, so I lay on my side as a remedy. When I awoke from sleep paralysis unable to breathe or move, I injected tremendous willpower into my limbs to get out of it. Sometimes as I entered slumber, I could sense myself spiralling into paralysis. If I activated my limbs soon enough, I could release myself from the misery. - Chronic fatigue
Fatigue is very common among sufferers of chronic illnesses. In fact, I believe that chronic fatigue is the first and most obvious indicator of illness in the body.
Diseases, Syndromes and Healing them all
Disclaimer: I was never officially diagnosed by a doctor for any disease. A doctor once chided me, “Don’t anyhow [sic] diagnose yourself using information from the Internet.” It’s true that a layman may make incorrect diagnoses. I’m glad that I did it anyway and I learned so much. I’m of the opinion that it’s impossible to go wrong, if the therapy of choice is nutrition.
Using my symptoms as a gauge, I might have been pre-diabetic with early-stage fibromyalgia and arthritis. I was tested positive for Adrenal Fatigue and definitely had Tourette’s Syndrome given the facial tics.
Whatever diseases I might have had, it honestly didn’t matter at all. When I healed my body with nutrition, multiple symptoms diminished and eventually vanished! Charlotte Gerson expresses it succinctly:
“You can’t keep one disease and heal two others. When the body heals, it heals everything.” — Charlotte Gerson
Over time, I learned to see illness in a simple way. Disease is the result of a body out of balance. Seek to heal the body as a whole, rather than target the individual disease or a specific organ.
Rebooting my health
The host of symptoms surely placed me two steps from hell. By the skin of my teeth, I saved myself from a complete meltdown.
Today I still have about half of the symptoms, but at 5% of the intensity. They rarely bother me for the most part of the day.
What steps did I take to heal myself?
Without getting into detail, they are: diet overhaul, lifestyle change, detox, massage, supplementation, self-affirmation, exercise, EFT or tapping, meditation, and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). Look out for my next piece :-)
What have I learned?
The complete exhaustion I felt five years ago was a genuine wake-up call to turn my life around. Living with the pathological baggage only brought misery to my life. I was surviving but I wasn’t thriving.
The greatest lesson I have learned from my healing journey is that there is no shortcut to health. In this material world where the swipe of a credit card can buy you the world, health is one glaring thing that money cannot not buy.
One cannot procure health. One makes effort to attain good health. Health is never received but acted upon.
Time and time again, life reminds me that it takes sheer effort to remain in tip-top condition. I started off the journey buying my health with supplements. I was mildly successful, but I got nowhere close to recovery.
Real tangible results came when I made a conscious daily effort to feed myself nutritious food and exercise regularly. Money for craft beer and cool gadgets was instead spent on wholesome fresh raw ingredients used to prepare my own meals. I read books on health to educate myself, and made a conscious effort to apply the healing techniques outlined by the gurus. I took to watching health documentaries instead of TV dramas that brought me little value. With steadfastness, I tapped and meditated to release the deep-seated depression.
Everything I had done that worked, consumed precious time and consistent immense effort. The panacea, that silver bullet, the magic pill that cures anything and everything is non-existent. Don’t bother looking.
Now I want to share my story with the world. By baring my chest, I sincerely hope that my knowledge would help others, be it just one person, to overcome the misery they endure today.
Health, the Warren Buffett Way
To wrap up my words, I shall leave you with a short story by wise Mr Buffett.
When I was sixteen, I had just two things on my mind — girls and cars. I wasn’t very good with girls. So I thought about cars. I thought about girls, too, but I had more luck with cars.
Let’s say that when I turned sixteen, a genie had appeared to me. And that genie said, ‘Warren, I’m going to give you the car of your choice. It’ll be here tomorrow morning with a big bow tied on it. Brand-new. And it’s all yours.’
Having heard all the genie stories, I would say, ‘What’s the catch?’ And the genie would answer, ‘There’s only one catch. This is the last car you’re ever going to getting your life. So it’s got to last a lifetime.’If that had happened, I would have picked out that car. But, can you imagine, knowing it had to last a lifetime, what I would do with it?
I would read the manual about five times. I would always keep it garaged. If there was the least little dent or scratch, I’d have it fixed right away because I wouldn’t want it rusting. I would baby that car, because it would have to last a lifetime.
That’s exactly the position you are in concerning your mind and body. You only get one mind and one body. And it’s got to last a lifetime. Now, it’s very easy to let them ride for many years. But if you don’t take care of that mind and that body, they’ll be a wreck forty years later, just life the car would be.
It’s what you do right now, today, that determines how your mind and body will operate ten, twenty, and thirty years from now.
